Depending on the age of your children, either you are in the stage where dropping them off can be a challenge, or you have successfully made it through and are glad to see those days behind you! Knowing the right things to do to make a drop-off (whether at grandma’s house, daycare, or a friend) a success is only half the battle; actually choosing to do those things and not be swayed by your emotion in the moment is the other side of the coin.
This is actually something I did not think I would ever struggle with. I have a background in Early Childhood Education, so I understand how children think, process, and (yes, believe it or not) manipulate situations to get what they want. I’ve also taught preschool and coached many parents through those difficult moments.
And then I had my own child. Who had her own tears and emotions. And a strong attachment to Mommy, especially at the sight of being dropped off with someone else. And this pulled at my heart (even though I knew better), and it was then that I had to remind myself of how to get through those moments.
First, talk to your spouse so you’re both on the same page about what drop-offs will look like. If Dad gives a quick high-five and Mom hugs and kisses for ten minutes, this could cause some confusion. Agree on something quick and consistent, and both of you stick with the plan.
Second, always tell your child good-bye, even if it does cause some tears. You might think this seems counterproductive, but the long-term benefits are much healthier and secure for your child than just sneaking out the back door when they’re not looking. Always saying good-bye gives them security – that Mom or Dad is not just going to disappear one minute when they aren’t looking. Tell your child good-bye, assure him you’ll be back, and get moving.
Third, check your emotions at the door. Basically, resist the urge to cry and be sad with your child who appears to be melting down before your very eyes. This only makes them feel more insecure about who you are leaving them with. They will take their cues from you. If you act confident and comfortable, they will most likely adapt quickly and feel safe with who is taking care of them.
In summary:
- Have a mutual plan with your spouse and stick with it.
- Tell your child good-bye instead of pulling a magician’s disappearing act (and then get going).
- Act confident and comfortable with the caregiver you are leaving your child with.