My children have lived much further than “over the river and through the woods” from all their grandparents and extended family for most of their lives. We have lived in different states than our family for more than six years so we know all about trying to stay connected with many miles and hours between us.
Fostering strong relationships between my children and our extended family is a priority, but with distance between us, we have had to get creative with how to manage that wish. Personal visits are important and memorable, but visiting takes time, money and lots of planning—especially if you are traveling with children. Holidays and birthdays are a natural time to visit family or have family visit you. Other ideas include visiting for family reunions, annual events like hometown festivals or starting your own family traditions. I am thrilled we have been able to head back to my grandparents’ home in Iowa to make homemade apple cider in the fall and love that my kids have a special memory with their great-grandparents.
Visits are still infrequent, though, so we supplement to maintain those relationships. Children can color a picture, make a cute craft or write a card to mail to family members. Then it’s fun to see their creations hanging on the refrigerator when they do get to visit. “I take all the school papers I would just throw away and mail to Grandma,” Sarah Lyons, Olathe mother of six, says. “She loves to see them and hang them up, and I have less paper to deal with.” My own daughter began a pen pal notebook to draw pictures and write to her grandma who lives in Colorado. It’s a fun piece of mail to receive and so sweet to look back on their notes and pictures to each other over the years.
You can send quite a few surprising things via snail mail. My son sent the AniMails Moose to his grandpa, and now his grandpa texts us pictures of what “Marty the Moose” is up to at his house. For great-grandparents who are not tech savvy, we send periodic updates in a physical letter, including recent pictures of the kids. Jennifer Willis, Blue Springs mother of four, offers a great idea from her family: “My grandmother had many siblings and they had an ongoing round robin letter. Every few months, my grandmother would receive a large envelope with letters from each of her siblings, along with pictures. Once she read all of them, she would take her old letter and pictures out and replace them with new ones and send the envelope to the next person.”
To help children become more familiar with unfamiliar family faces, get creative! “When the big boys were little, they had some ‘stranger danger’ feelings when out-of-town relatives would visit, so I made a family matching game,” Willis says. “I printed wallet size pictures at Walmart (you get two of the same picture). They loved playing the game and they got familiar with family members!” If craftiness is not your forte, Shutterfly.com offers a personalized memory game. Photographs are a great way for little ones to get to know their family members. Display both old and new pictures throughout your home and use a digital photo frame or computer screensaver to run a slideshow of family photos. Another fun way to keep family in your home is by having out-of-town relatives give recordable storybooks from Hallmark. My children love listening to Great-Grandma read them a story!
Now in the digital age, keeping up with family members through texting, Skype or Facetime and social media can be easy. I enjoy keeping up to date by posting our family photos online monthly and even began a personal blog about our daily life. My grandparents are pretty tech savvy, and my grandma often jokes she waits for new pictures to pop up on Facebook and worries she will wear out videos I post online by watching them too many times. Creating your own personal blog is simple, or you can create private albums on various sites and simply email the link to family members. Creating a group text is an easy way to stay in the loop of each other’s lives, as well. “I have a group text with John's sisters that is constantly going,” Willis says. “We share pictures and updates about life and kids.” Speaking of phones, teaching children how to actually speak on the phone is a fun way to let kids connect to family, but you may need to translate for the younger speakers.
So if you find yourselves relocating for different jobs like our family has, take heart knowing your extended family can indeed stay connected. A bit more planning is required but it can be fun!
Unique Things to Send in the Mail
- An inflated ball
- A bottle of sprinkles
- A box of inflated balloons
- A bottle filled with art supplies
Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 7, Mason, 5, and Slade, 2, and writes from her home. You can check out more of her writing at LettersFromTheLouxs.blogspot.com.