Parenting Quiz: Are You a #ParentPro?
- Are you a parent who is constantly on fleek?
- Is that like a headache medicine? Because, yes.
- No, I’m on day three of dry shampoo.
- This sounds like a typo of the word “flee,” through which I would thoroughly enjoy drawing a giant red mark on my child’s class paper.
- The only thing I’m on is less than five hours of sleep.
- What’s your go-to article of clothing to give you confidence when you’re out on the town?
- The shirt where the vomit remnant sort of looks like Lady Gaga.
- “Out on the town” requires paying a babysitter. Pass.
- The cardigan with the wine stain because maybe I can lick it later.
- My old maternity jeans because they never fail me.
- Quick! What is your daughter’s best friend’s name?
- Smartypants McSassafras
- Carly. No, Clementine. Something with a C? *checks phone* Oh, it’s Veronica.
- I’m not entirely sure my daughter has friends after what has become known as “the jelly bean incident” at school last week.
- Paige. I only know because she broke her arm on my driveway.
- This year for summer vacation you are taking your children to:
- The library. Every day. As soon as they open.
- The gym. Not to work out, but so I can give them to the gym daycare and then use the hot tub. #brilliance
- Disney World. But I’m secretly hoping the Apocalypse happens first.
- The backyard. They will find it magical or they will find themselves learning the best way to scrub a toilet. Who says I don’t give options?
- Do you know how to dab?
- Yes. It’s how I get wine out of the carpet.
- I still don’t even know what “fleek” is.
- Is it something to do with Snapchat?
- I know exactly what it is and I do it right in front of the school at pickup and drop-off time.
- What bill did you just remember you haven’t paid?
- It’s not that I didn’t pay it; it’s that I can’t remember my 19-letter password with no repeating letters and a special character, so I got locked out.
- OMG! DAYCARE! Can I use “my dog ate my checkbook” as an excuse?
- School lunch. HOW DOES THE MONEY RUN OUT SO FAST?
- HA! I have them all paid. I think…
- It’s 2:00 a.m. Why are you awake?
- This is the only time I can binge watch television.
- I had a dream the laundry folded itself and it was so wonderful I just want to lie here and remember it.
- We need toilet paper and Amazon Prime never closes.
- I had coffee at 7:30 p.m. and can’t sleep so I’m researching “dab” and “fleek.”
If you made it through this quiz in one sitting…
YAY! You’re clearly not around your kids, which means you’re alone! Are you on vacation? Can we come with you?
If you just found this quiz half-completed and don’t understand how anyone would wear maternity pants voluntarily…
You aren’t a mom yet. Perhaps you just enjoy parenting magazines for the research. That’s just fine with us; take the quizzes now while you still have some free time and your blouse on right-side-out.
If you took this quiz and realize you actually do have a shirt with a vomit stain that resembles Lady Gaga…
Open an eBay page and sell it for hordes of cash. We get 10 percent of the profits.
If you took this quiz and even feel a smidge better about being a parent…
That’s the whole point. Every parent is failing in some way. The good news is if we were perfect at everything, our kids would just want to live with us forever. The goal is to make them happy, but miserable enough that someday they want to move on. Then we can finally get caught up on the TV we’ve been missing.
Kim Antisdel is a freelance writer and interior design sales rep for Kansas City. She lives in Liberty with her husband, two stepdaughters, son and small zoo of rescue animals.