I love you. Three little words with such big meaning! As Valentine’s Day approaches, consumer culture would have you believe the best way to show your affection would be through cards and candy, but these treats don’t mean the same to all people. Why not stretch Valentine’s Day out to be a month-long event in your home, an opportunity to speak love in the ways that mean the most to each family member? Here are some simple ways for you and yours to show love to one another.
Love Language 101. Have you ever bought a gift—something you knew would be just perfect for the person who was going to receive it—only to give it and find the recipient’s response fall flat? A lackluster reaction might not be a sign it’s a bad gift so much as that you haven’t spoken the recipient’s top love language. What’s a love language? According to Dr. Gary Chapman, marriage counselor and author of more than 35 books, people give and receive love in ways that are as unique as they are, though they usually fall under five primary categories: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, gifts and acts of service. It’s important to note that you may have more than one way that speaks love to you and love languages can change over time. Also, just because you prefer to be shown love one way doesn’t mean it’s your favorite way to give it. Take some time as a family to discuss what each member’s favorite way to receive love is. You might be surprised with the answers, and it will make you more keenly aware of how to serve each other in ways that mean the most!
Words of Affirmation. The world can be a harsh place. Our homes should not be one of them. Building one another up with our words is a powerful way to create belonging, purpose and self-worth. Put every family member’s name into a bowl and draw one each night. At the dinner table, take some time to go around and exhort the person whose name was drawn. Encourage specifics. “You’re kind” is a good start, while “I love how you are so quick to pitch in and help around the house” tells the recipient specifically how you see their kindness. Promote compliments—acknowledging a person’s strengths and talents and encouraging him to press on—but avoid flattery, which merely exaggerates a truth with no clear purpose behind it. Write down your words of encouragement on little heart-shaped notes and place them into a mason jar (one per person). When the month is over, each family member will have a jar full of encouragement to look back on throughout the year, a gift that will keep on giving! Exhortations can be a thing of beauty, too. Purchase a solid tablecloth and some fabric paint to build your own Valentine’s tablecloth. Stencil hearts and write your favorite things about each family member (along with the date) throughout the month of February. Continue to bring it out each year and watch as it fills up over time. Even the youngest family members can join in the fun, tracing their handprint, writing their name or simply drawing a picture of family members. In a short amount of time your tablecloth will be a valued item and beloved tradition all in one!
The Way to the Heart is the Stomach. Think outside the box to make family dinners not only heartfelt but also heart-shaped! Use heart-shaped vegetable pasta for spaghetti night, make heart-shaped pancakes or put a heart-shaped cookie cutter to good use beyond cookies, giving sandwiches, cheese, fruit and Jell-O added holiday flair!
You’ve Got Mail. We live in a day and age where almost all communication takes place electronically, but there’s still nothing quite like getting a card in the mail. Write love letters to your spouse and handwritten notes to your children and mail them either to come back to your own home or to your spouse’s workplace. It’s a simple way to brighten their day! Reserve an evening to fill out several valentines together and take them to distribute at a nursing home, a place often neglected during that holiday. Together you will make special memories and bless others in the process.
Did You Know?
While Valentine’s cards date back to the Middle Ages, the first modern ones were produced in the United States during the mid-1800s. Today, nearly one billion Valentine’s Day cards are exchanged each year, making Cupid’s the top card-exchanging holiday for Americans, second only to Christmas.
Covert Cupid. Secret Santas need not be reserved for Christmas! Draw names out of a hat on the first day of February and perform random acts of kindness inconspicuously throughout the month. On Feb. 28, have everyone guess who his “secret valentine” was and make official announcements. Acts of kindness can include cleaning out the car, doing a family member’s chores, leaving notes around the house (cards or dry erase marker notes on the bathroom mirror, bedroom window or car windshield do wonders!) and leaving favorite treats by the family member’s bed.
Cupid Cutie. For many, the Elf on the Shelf is a much loved Christmas tradition, one that could easily be adapted for Valentine’s Day. If you already own the iconic Christmas doll, then he (or she), donned in that wintry red suit, is already dressed for a Valentine’s celebration! No elf? No worries! Simply use a stuffed animal as your Cupid doll. Ideas abound for how to pose these dolls as they perform silly antics throughout your house. Check for creative ideas on Pinterest or simply come up with your own!
Lauren Greenlee enjoys establishing new traditions, upholding old favorites and showing her family how special they are throughout the month of February...and beyond! She writes from her Olathe home.