Being a mother during the holidays can be light years away from being a child during the holidays. I didn’t realize how much work my parents did to make Christmas so magical for my brother and me. I think back fondly on my childhood with a magical awe and anticipation of what was yet to come. Now, seven years into motherhood, I am annoyed at the anxiety that hits me with even a thought about the holiday season. I feel pressure to make this the most magical time of year for my children. And pressure that I only get so many years to try to achieve this goal, pressure to do all the magical activities, pressure to carve out quiet nights at home, pressure to get all the perfect photographs capturing our magical season, pressure to make it not about gifts (but to still find the perfect gifts), and pressure to not appear like I’m feeling under pressure!
I just want the feeling I had as a kid at Christmas. I know that’s selfish, but somehow, I want to experience that and magically have my kids absorb it without my having to do a whole lot.
So what are we parents to do to bring the joy back into this magical time of year? I’ve found the secret lies primarily in the planning and prepping beforehand. This means beginning to think of the holidays as the warm summer breezes shift to the crisp autumn air. We know Christmas is coming. It shouldn’t take us by surprise each year. I realized I hesitated to start planning earlier because I wanted to wait until it started to feel like the holiday season. This cannot be my reality anymore. If I want to enjoy the holiday season, I have to plan ahead. Try some of these ideas to help you recover the joy.
First off, determine your overall holiday budget and add on a little wiggle room. The budget should cover not only gifts for all (family, friends, neighbors, office and school exchanges, teachers and hostess gifts for any parties), but also extra baking ingredients, decorations (indoor and outdoor), holiday parties and service projects. Make sure to agree upon the overall total with your spouse and have clear communication and expectations to adhere to the budget.
Consider what your family’s priorities are for the holiday season and what memories you would like to make. Calendars fill up quickly, so be sure to pencil in as much family and quiet time as your brood needs to recover from the hustle and bustle of the season. Be intentional about not overscheduling yourself and have a go-to answer to politely decline, such as, “Our season is already full this year, but thank you for the invitation. Perhaps next year.” Then be sure to stick to it.
Jennifer Willis, Olathe mother of four, says, “We have very few traditions that we have to get done. Less stuff to do, less stress, more joy! The one thing we do every year is bake easy cookies (no cutouts, no fancy candy, just simple chocolate chip) for the neighbors. The kids love ringing doorbells, and I love making cookies. Win-win!” Rachel Rhinehart, Overland Park mother of three, agrees and says, “We stay home. No traveling, no family coming to us. We make it just the five of us on the actual day and days leading up to. Only a few gifts and no lists of things that have to be done. We make food we all enjoy and drink hot chocolate and listen to Pentatonix Christmas albums.”
One way to bring actual joy instead of dread back to holiday decorating is to make sure you reevaluate your decor. Tastes and preferences change over the years, so if you’re setting out knick-knacks that appear as clutter to you, donate them so a new family can find joy in them. Our homes should be a place we can come to recharge and relax. Putting out a bunch of decorations that add any form of stress to you shouldn’t be a part of your enjoyment of the holidays. The holiday season is another opportunity to feel like you need to keep up with the Joneses, but the reality may be that the Joneses envy your simpler Christmas and your house seems like a refuge from their over-the-top decorated dwelling.
Gift giving itself tends to be stressful. As a mom, I tend to be the idea factory for other family members looking for ideas for our children. Obviously, having people want to give gifts to our children is a blessing, but it’s a bit overwhelming to think of many things for people to give that the kids don't already have, would like and won’t clutter up our home. This area gives me more anxiety than any other associated with the holidays. I have to breathe through the idea of a bunch of new things coming into the home I’m constantly trying to declutter throughout the year.
For many people, gift giving is a large part of how they express their love for others—and it’s a wonderful thing! But less is definitely more. For our own family, we have loosely adopted the Four Gift Rule: giving something you want, something you need, something you wear and something you read. Ironically, I express love through gift giving and have a hard time sticking to this rule. We also do stocking gifts and, currently, a couple from the big guy in red. Last year, I was so overwhelmed by the sheer number of new things we had to make room for in our house that I initiated a new gift giving guideline for our extended family. I asked that they keep their gifts to two, to please consult the children's wish lists created on Amazon.com, to consult my husband or me to make sure duplicate items weren’t being purchased and to include a gift receipt in case an exchange or return needs to be made.
Suggesting gifts that keep giving all year long and don’t take up space is a great idea as well. For example, annual passes to local attractions, punch cards to your local gymnastics academy for open gyms or a gift card to a favorite ice cream shop are gifts of treasured experiences.
My children are blessed with an abundance of generous grandparents and family—who all live in different states. Because of the geography and the numbers, our family needs help to avoid duplicate gifts. Communication is key! Also, creating wish lists over the course of the year on your phone is helpful, as well as purchasing and wrapping gifts early. You’ll be that much more ahead and able to sit back and enjoy the twinkling lights reflecting on the wrapped packages while sipping your hot cocoa instead of downing it for fuel to tackle the next thing.
In the end, maybe, just maybe, kids have the magic within them and we are just putting far too much pressure on ourselves when they will experience the magic in spite of us.
Stephanie Loux is the mother of Layla, 7, Mason, 5, and Slade, 2, and writes from her home. You can check out more of her writing at LettersfromtheLouxs.blogspot.com.