“Excuse me, your purse and coffee mug are on your roof,” another driver told my mom. Sure enough, my mother had driven several blocks (downhill, in the rain) with her open purse and a full mug of tea on the roof of the car before this man caught us at the lights. This wasn’t unusual. Once we made it all the way to shops with the cat asleep on the back dash with a cup of tea and a purse on the car’s roof. Finding mom’s car keys was always a treasure hunt—once we found them in the freezer (and the defrosted veggies on the kitchen counter).
That’s just my mom I thought - one of those people who could be brilliant one minute and scatterbrained the next. Then I had kids. I discovered that momnesia is not just my mother’s curse, or my inheritance, but a phenomenon that all moms experience.
New moms blame sleep deprivation for mommy brain drain (and rightly so). But then why does this forgetfulness start during pregnancy – and extend beyond it? How many times have you found yourself just standing there, not sure what you were seeking or why? Sure, the time lapse could indicate a temporary alien abduction, but what about that time you called your mother and retold her everything you’d just told her an hour earlier because the entire earlier conversation has been deleted from your memory? The aliens are innocent. Blame the kids.
Doctors have suggested that forgetfulness can indicate a vitamin deficiency – especially during pregnancy. It’s also been suggested that forgetfulness helps a mother forget distractions and focus on caring for her child. During pregnancy your brain soaks in the pregnancy hormone oxytocin, which has been shown to have amnesia-like effects.
After baby comes, sleep deprivation is a valid excuse for both parents. When Morgan asked her husband to get a bottle for their newborn, he handed her his cell phone and insisted he was handing her a baby bottle. Heather Harmon had a similar experience when she asked her husband for the TV remote. He held out his empty hand and insisted the remote was in it. Tara Roberts almost smeared toothpaste instead of Desitin on her baby’s bottom.
The problem is that often mommy muddled syndrome persists past those early baby days. Last year, Bianca Strzalkowski (Military Spouse of the Year) was attending classes 9:00-5:00 an hour from home. She had to pick up her boys from daycare by 6:00, so she was rushing to get them on time, get dinner going, get organized for the next day, etc. One evening, she forgot to turn off the car. The next morning she found the keys still turned in the ignition and her gas tank empty.
Becoming a parent changes the way we think and sometimes affects whether we’re able to think at all. Perhaps there should be a warning label! I’d hate to know how much time I waste looking for things I just had—like my car keys—or gaping at an empty room wondering why, or staring at my computer screen trying to remember how to spell a really simple word.
My theory is that babies (though adorable) are like parasites. While they’re tapped into your system taking the nutrition they need during pregnancy, they permanently warp your brain. That way, it’ll be easier for them as they grow to use our decreased memory functions against us parent folk and bend us to their will. If I can blame my kids for impairing my mental functions, I’m all for it. It won’t be long before my babies are teens, claiming I’ve ruined their lives by not letting them go to that party, or wear that dress, or...
Victoria Pressley is a freelance writer who frequently finds herself spontaneously standing in a random room in Leavenworth with no idea why.